The summer of our first year at Sightlines was all about the big changes in our lives. We were living on our own, working real jobs, and making big decisions, like getting a puppy. In the meantime, our separate lives were coming closer and closer together. Jon's fling was starting to die down and my relationship was starting to feel like it was reaching its 1 year mark.
And then there was Travis. You see, my little puppy Travis was my baby. He was everything I always wanted. Don't worry - I knew he was just a dog. But he was my dog...my companion...my playmate while I lived in this apartment and started my very adult new life. And Gianni, my boyfriend, didn't care too much for Travis. Don't get me wrong, he thought Trav was cute - who doesn't? But he wasn't a fan of this living, breathing, pooping thing getting in the way of his life. Travis had to be walked, fed, played with. Gianni just wasn't into all that. He was busy...he was stressed out with graduation (he was a year younger than me)...and he wasn't interested in a puppy. So Travis and I did our best to keep it together while the guy in my life wasn't interested in having him around.
Cue Jon. That Fall was when I started to have feelings for Jon without ever knowing they were there. I would come home to our apartment after a weekend away with Gianni and let Travis run over to Jon. They would play together, wrestle, and just lay around together. I watched Jon laugh as Travis tried to bite his toes, run around while Travis chased him, and roll around when Travis finally caught him. I watched this guy in my life act like a father to a "child" that wasn't even his. And all I could think about is that this guy would make an amazing father and a husband some day. While Gianni wasn't interested.
So that was Travis' big role in Jon's and my life. He was the reason I first looked at Jon as a guy that could be part of my life. He was the man that could someday father my children. I was 22, so children were not exactly something that I wanted at that moment, but having children was a HUGE part of my future. It was what I saw when I saw myself a few years ahead. And Gianni...well he wasn't interested.
By the time Fall rolled around, Gianni and I spent most of our time fighting. We were always on each others case about everything. I knew that our 1 year anniversary was approaching and I was getting scared. I rarely ever dated a guy for more than a year. So by Thanksgiving, we were pretty much over. Meanwhile, Jon was still kind of seeing his high school sweetheart who returned from her semester abroad. They were also rocky since neither knew how to start back up where they ended when so much has happened in between. And as for Jon and I, well, we were best friends. We spent all of our time together. We worked together, we went out together, we stayed home together. We rolled around with the dog, we went out for hikes, we went to the movies, we drove to MA to hang out with friends. We were inseparable.
So I broke it off with Gianni. And Jon wasn't all that interested in his fling or his high school sweetheart. And then our good friends Dave and Janelle came to visit.
At this point, they were just Jon's good friends. Jon's buddy Dave and Jon were born in the same hospital just 2 days apart. And Jon dated Janelle when they were kids (you know, my-mom-will-drop-me-off-at-the-movies-if-your-mom-will-drive-you-there-and-then-we'll-sit-in-silence-and-later-tell-everyone-we-had-the-best-date kind of dating). Anyways, Jon and J didn't last too long and Dave and J started dating. And kept dating. In fact, today Dave and J are engaged to be married.
So Dave and Janelle came to visit us in CT. We all went out to the bars with our friends and spent hours chatting and dancing and generally being wild.
I should mention that some time back, after I watched Jon spend hours playing with Travis and washing our dishes and talking to me about our work days, I had a dream. I had a dream that I was kissing Jon. I was kissing Jon and then I was spending all my time with Jon. I was spending all my time with Jon and then we were together forever. Jon. My roommate Jon. And that kiss...well it stuck in my memory forever...days and weeks after I woke up from my dream.
So here we were, partying with our friends, when Jon and I decide to step outside and get some fresh air. We were sitting outside, in the chilly night air, laughing and talking about our friends and the great time we were having when the conversation came to a halt. And then I told him. I told him about the dream. I told him I had a dream about him and that we were together and we were kissing. And I was curious. Well, he was curious too. And so we kissed our first kiss. Outside of BAR in New Haven. We sat there, outside, kissing like fools.
It all started out innocent. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. And he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. We both looked away. Then we looked at each other and locked in the most passionate kiss of our lives. It must have been great because all the diners in the bar started applauding and whistling at us. We stopped kissing, blushed (that might have just been me) and went back inside to join our friends.
The next few days were cruel. All I did was think of him and our kiss. We pretended to make small talk and act like roommates. But the truth was that I was already falling in love with him. I got a small break because I went to another state on business while Jon stayed back in our apartment with our dog. We chatted online briefly to check in with each other. You know, "how's the puppy?", "how's the trip?", "are you spending all your time thinking about me like I am spending all my time thinking about you?". That last one may not have come up. But we did spend some time talking about the fact that we were roommates and that our little night of passion was careless and could potentially ruin our friendship.
So we were in a pickle.
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