My treadmill is trying to kill me

I'm taking a quick break from "The King and me" posts to tell you about a very serious problem that is happening at my house.

This is my treadmill:

 

We met in 2008 and almost instantly fell in love.  Jon bought it for me for my birthday the summer of 2008 and our love began to grow.

(Yes, my dog is on the treadmill with me. and yes, I am wearing flip-flops.  We just set it up and I was excited, don't judge me.)

We were best friends that became long-term lovers.  Isn't that the story of my life?  Our relationship was blossoming in front of everyone's eyes.  I spent time walking on it while Jon sat on the couch in front of me and cheered me on.

 

It was there when I started running again.  It was there when the dogs were restless and we were too lazy busy to walk them.  And then a couple of months later, we hit a pretty big low.  I stopped running (or even walking), the dogs were older and didn't have as much energy.  So my dear treadmill became a very expensive clothes hanger. 

This, I believe was the turning point.  I could see that my treadmill was NOT happy with me.  I could see the resentment growing.  I tried to talk to it, but it would have nothing to do with me.  The honeymoon was over and we both knew it.

Almost a year went by and we barely noticed each other.  I would walk by and glance in her direction once in a while, but got nothing in return.  Then, just like that, we were back on track.  I decided to start running again and she would be my companion.  I dusted off my iPod and unfolded the treadmill and got on.  Except the iPod control (a really cool feature of the treadmill) wasn't working 100%.  And the user settings wouldn't work.  I called the warranty and hung up after being on hold for 2.5 hours.  Who needs to know the calories they burned?  And I had the TV anyways.  So I turned on the treadmill and started running.

By the summer things really heated up between us.  I got the iPod Nike+ (I'll have to post about this another time because it is THAT awesome).  I was a running machine!  And I thought my treadmill enjoyed the new passion.  But that was not true - there was friction between us and I didn't know it.

I started to notice that something wasn't right a few months back.  I was running on the treadmill and touched the iPod connector and it shocked me!  This was no tiny little shock.  This was painful.  I jumped off the treadmill and stared in disbelief.  This must be some sort of a freak accident.

The next day I touched the iPod connector and got a little shock.  This wasn't right.  I taped the connector so it wouldn't accidentally shock me again.  A few weeks later I was still getting shocked, this time from the treadmill itself.  I figured the iPod connector must be touching the machine, so I found some electrical tape and taped it up.  The shocks continued.  It reached an all-time high (or low, depending on how you look at it) a couple weeks ago when I was running on it again.  I had been avoiding touching the treadmill at all costs because I do not enjoy being shocked while running.  Call me crazy, but it's not my thing.  Jon came down to check on laundry and I grabbed the metal handle of the treadmill.  It gave out a spark, a huge shock, and started making noises.  I jumped off and stared at my treadmill.  It began to re-calibrate and go up-and-down.  I unplugged it and waited.  After sufficient time to calm myself down and convince myself that it was not, indeed, possessed and could not be inhabited by a spirit, I plugged it back in.  It re-calibrated and looked normal again.  I shrugged and jumped back on.

I already sense some skeptics out there thinking that I might have it on carpet or something. But no - the treadmill is safely set on tile.  The connector is safely taped up with electrical tape. 

I haven't stopped running, but I am more cautious now.  I touch the treadmill at least once every 2-3 minutes and receive small shocks, which I prefer to the big shocks if I don't touch it for a while.  I figure, every relationship needs work and includes some pain.  It's what I get for neglecting her for almost a year.

Has anyone ever had this happen to them?  What do you do?